Since last Thursday, three people I know have died. Thankfully, none are my immediate family, but still I ache for the losses. The closest to me is my cousin, Sue. We weren’t close, but we weren’t distant either. We were just busy moms who always picked up right where we left off when we connected at family gatherings. Despite the degrees of separation, I find myself impacted by these deaths. I’m distracted and it’s hard to concentrate
©2010 Lee Laughlin All Rights Reserved
As the saying goes, no one gets out of this live alive. Things happen (sometimes even good things) that will through off your writing schedule. Kristine Kathryn Rusch calls them “Life Rolls”. The term came from a role playing game she used to play as part of a workshop she co-taught.
When we taught the Master Class, we (along with Loren Coleman) invented a role-playing game that mimicked the way a long-time professional writer’s career works. … [W]e had disruptive events coincide with every writer’s role-played career. Those events were called “life rolls.” Sometimes they were positive—for example, you got married (of course, you’d lose money for the cost of the wedding plus weeks (maybe months) of work, but you might not have to pay all the bills on your own any more). More often than not, the rolls were disruptive. We took one bestseller (in the game) out for five years with a succession of life rolls that prevented her from working.
We all experience Life Rolls, the question is, how do you handle them? There are the events that directly impact you (marriage, birth of a child, death of a loved one), but I find there are also events the indirectly affect me that can also through my writing off. Here are three tips to help you get through them.
Give yourself a break
Some events are so severe they demand it (death of someone close), other events are so fleeting (a sick child) they are easier to accommodate. Either way, ask yourself, if a friend were in the same position, would you be encouraging them to cut themselves some slack? Apply the same thinking to yourself. Just be careful not to take too long of a break. You don’t need a visit from the witch of self doubt. She makes getting started again an even bigger challenge.
Write through the hard times
When one of my Dads died, I set up a blog and wrote letters to him. I kept it anonymous. On it, I talked about my feelings, what was happening as we made plans for his memorial service and when I felt him close as life went on. The writing helped me process his death. I added to it for a while after he died. I’ve never stopped thinking of him, but these days I can usually wait to voice my thoughts in my journal. At the time, I needed the immediate release. If you are facing something insurmountable, Write. Say things that are not socially acceptable, just get it out. I like having the blog to go back to. It’s nice having a secret place for just he and I, but you may find it more helpful to get your feelings out and then shred them.
Change it up
Sometimes the words won’t come. You can bang your head on the keyboard like a muppet and still, *crickets*. When that happens, work on more mundane, less creative tasks. My list might include filing, laundry, bread making and walking. These are all tasks that need to be completed, but they wouldn’t be my highest priority if I could get my muse into gear. Sometimes changing things up gives my muse the space she needs to get back on track. Again, be aware and don’t let the muse disappear for too long.
What do you do when you hit a major or minor life roll and the words won’t come?
Lee Laughlin is a writer, wife, and mom, frequently all of those things at once. She blogs at Livefearlesslee.com. Her words have appeared in a broad range of publications from community newspapers to the Boston Globe.
This happens a lot in life – some many bumps and ‘rolls.’ I like your list of what to do. Taking a purposeful break is top of my list – deal with the crisis, grieve or rejoice as needed and then get back to the writing. I find that these ‘rolls’ are often the motivation for writing as writing often helps me sort things out. A few months ago I had a health crisis that really pushed me over the edge. Writing and blogging about it helped me get through the ‘roll’ and on to my next turn.
When the words don’t come – well that’s a tough one. Sometimes I just write nothing and move on but I keep a writing schedule (from me that is Sunday afternoons). If it’s a bad Sunday, I’ll just say, “not writing” but the next Sunday I’ll try again.
But what works best for me when the words don’t come is to go to my journal and write about why I can’t write. Often there is an emotion, feeling or other problem blocking my brain that I need to clear out first. Might sound strange but some of my better essays start out, “Don’t know what to write today.” Then you get 1000 words of why. Some I delete and some I share with my wife and some I post on my blog.
Wow – that’s a lot words when I was just going to say, “I love this post.”
Your advice to change things up, do something different for a while is spot on. For me, it helps if I have several writing projects going at once. Get stuck on one, and I often get an idea for it by working on another. Or reading something along the same lines. Best way, though, for me, is exercise. Even just walking. If I get out and move, the ideas come more freely. It’s like clearing a path to the “write” place.
I took a class where this was made very present to us. We were asked to look at the past year and see where we got “stopped” – where meetings/pages/money dried up. And then look back about six weeks. What happened at that moment that – over the next six weeks – caused everything to screech to a halt. It was immensely revealing because, for everyone in the class, there was always something that caused us each to shut down and stop playing.
The idea was that if you could recognize your response, you could bounce back from the damage faster. Which did happen, but also takes enormous energy (for me, anyway!).
Thanks for the post – I’d forgotten about this, and it’s certainly something I need to remember!
Sorry to hear about your losses, I know how hard it is to get writing again. After my mum died in October I wote masses but I would not let anyone else see it! The bits I could share are on my mothers day blog.
“Life is a storm my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one minute and be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when the next storm comes”
Alexandre Dumas, The count of monte christo
This is very helpful!
Bella and DiDi
Great post and great tips. I am currently trying to overcome my life-roll, motivation after a long absence from writing. I have found that I write best at night or that I find inspiration from everyday mundane events in my life and those of others.