I looked at my to-do list as I sat down in front of my computer this morning. I always write it in the evening as a way to ground me, to let me know what lies ahead for the next day.
The problem with doing this though, is that sometimes the shorthand I use at night is not the same shorthand I use during the day. I read through my list:
Photo credit: Edgar Sousa
Manuscript – ngh
I knew I was making reference to the manuscript I’ve been challenged to finish by the end of the month, “ngh”? “ngh”? What was I trying to say?
And then with a sinking heart I realized that “ngh” was my code for:
“not gonna happen”
Last night as I made my list filled with plans to write articles and blog posts that were due (and go to the bank, and pick up vitamins), I also decided to give up the ghost on my book challenge.
It seemed like a doable challenge when Julie and I made the pact at that writer’s dinner a few weeks back. Finish what both of us had already started by the end of the month, it should be a breeze right? After all, both of us are writers.
But then life got in the way. Cars sprung oil leaks which reduced this family of 8 – 4 of which are working – to one car, requiring our best Excel spread sheet skills to organize. Driving people to where they needed to be became a full time job. Members of our flock got sick enough to land in the hospital for a few days. College kids (some for whom the worry never stops) needed to get ready to go back to college, and a little part time job taken to ensure gymnastic costs are covered each month ended up taking more time than expected as I put my feet sore from not having to stand for hours at a time e;evated on the couch pillows each time I’d come home.
Layer all of this on top of my regular writing (I was assigned 5 newspaper articles for August and am still waiting to hear about 3 ptiches), working on (paying) marketing jobs, and trying to keep up with my blogging and well, what you get is a big, fat, NGH.
I’m not necessarily complaining, it’s more that I’m facing the facts.
Not being able to write happens, but quite frankly it also stinks. I dream of being a full time writer, having an office set away from my family (tiny house anyone) where I can go to compose and not be interrupted with questions like “Where is the peanut butter?”, “Can I hang with my friend?”, and “Mom, I need two more packages of notebook dividers for school. Can we go to the store now?”
Look, I get it. You can’t be a writer until you are a writer (just like you can’t get published until you are published.) No one takes a “wanna-be” writer seriously enough to not interrupt them or to not expect them to run the house, because in the end, what’s more important, writing a story or getting food on the table?
So even though I did make incredible progress, went to the library to write more times than I thought I’d be able to, and have 78 good solid pages, I’m not where I should be and I’m not finished. It’s not gonna happen…
…by the end of this month.
But it will happen, maybe by the end of September, or even October. I’m not giving up, I’ll never give up. I know that my life circumstances are not going to change any time soon, my family is not going away (and neither do I want them to) and the responsibility of maintenance like feeding this crew rests squarely on my shoulders. It’s a package that I signed up for (although I’m not really sure I signed up for a dog that insists on barking enough to raise the household every morning at 5:30.) I’m here.
What I’m saying is that I’m not going to sit around and wait for the perfect circumstances so that I can write – if I did that I could be waiting for a very long time (try infinity.) Instead I’m going to continue to pinch off a few minutes here, steal an evening away there, and as long as I stick with it, *eventually* my book will get done.
***
Wendy Thomas is an award winning journalist, columnist, and blogger who believes that taking challenges in life will always lead to goodness. She is the mother of 6 funny and creative kids and it is her goal to teach them through stories and lessons.
Wendy’s current project involves writing about her family’s experiences with chickens (yes, chickens). (www.simplethrift.wordpress.com)
The life of a writer is to write, stumble, brush off the dirt from your bruises, and then continue writing.
Whether or not you succeed depends on whether or not you can get up and keep writing after each of the inevitable falls.
Hey, Wendy!
I’m so sorry that you had to assign “ngh” to your manuscript.
I know the feeling only too well.
Life does get in the way.
And it doesn’t make it easier when people say things like, “You just have to MAKE time.”
Yeah, right. Easier said than done.
You have a lot on your plate. More than a lot. You have giant-sized portions of responsibilities and obligations and a need to sleep and eat just like the rest of us.
You amaze me each day with how much you accomplish and the fact that you manage to keep such a great outlook throughout all your trials and tribulations. You have every right to feel cheated, but you have no reason to feel guilty. None.
Hang in there. September, or maybe October will be your months. I know you’ll get there – and taking the circuitous route might leave you with a little more juicy goodness to include in your story.
XO
thanks Jamie,
A true friend.
Wendy
You know – both blog and response are perfect. NGH is worth that silver lining of a friend reminding you that missing a dead line is opportunity to try again. I have friends like that – who pray for and encourage me. And here up to now I’ve been wondering what good ever happens on a Tuesday – lots of good actually. Thank you both for reminding me the writing must go on.
Sandra,
Jamie’s response kind of made my day too.
There is strength in the community.
Wendy
“Look, I get it. You can’t be a writer until you are a writer (just like you can’t get published until you are published.) No one takes a “wanna-be” writer seriously enough to not interrupt them or to not expect them to run the house, because in the end, what’s more important, writing a story or getting food on the table?
So even though I did make incredible progress, went to the library to write more times than I thought I’d be able to, and have 78 good solid pages, I’m not where I should be and I’m not finished. It’s not gonna happen…
…by the end of this month.
But it will happen, maybe by the end of September, or even October. I’m not giving up, I’ll never give up.”
Just what I need to hear. The deadline I gave myself for the detailed outline of my book was the end of July, then school happened, then moving our oldest into college happened, then substitute teaching started, then [fill in] started…
Thanks, Wendy. I love reading your blog.
Thanks for including me in your challenge. Writing alongside you this month has made me write sharper, tighter, more consistently and truer. So…what goal shall we set for next month?
Funny how “ngh,” when you try to pronounce it, sounds exactly like its definition.
Well, shpoop. That’s not gonna happen. Ugh. Bah. Ngh.
So, first off, I want to thank you for a new nonsense word that makes sense. Thank you.
Second, I want to repeat what everyone else already said, but you need at least one more person to tell you how awesome your post was. Is.
You voiced exactly what my dilemma is at the moment, every moment: life getting in the way of my writing. Of course, you also pointed out the fact that it’s okay for life to get in the way—because living is good. Life can continue to get in the way of my writing so long as I can continue living. Besides, we writers continue to make progress, even if it’s slower than expected. (Seventy-eight pages? Holy crap! Awesome job coming that far.)
Thanks for the post. ‘Twas a fun read.
I love your spirit
I have heard it’s natural that writing always takes more time than we think it will. I am sure with the enthusiasm and commitment that you have, it will be done very soon. Am very excited to read a blog that says ” manuscript -completed” . Good luck.
I am just curious to know one thing, Like you said, “life gets in the way”, don’t you sometimes feel with so much going on in life , the quality of writing is effected? Even if we struggle to pen down pages, the best thoughts and emotions are dependent on time and mood? I wanna know how can one deal with that thought? Love and Light.
It’s all about the baby steps, which is a good comparison, because babies often fall down, sit for a bit, get back up and move along.
For inspiration about writing, listen to this TED Talk by Elizabeth Gilbert who speaks about the elusive creative genius in writers:
http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html
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Having just started to come out of a little writing “um…….” mulling spell of my own, I totally appreciate where you are coming from here and applaud your “never give up” spirit!
Can quite resonate with what you have shared! For a long while, I felt that the ideal way to ‘be a writer’ is to take off to the mountains and write in serene isolation. But over the last year or so, I decided that I should be able to write where ever I am. If others kept interrupting, its because I was not making my priorities clear. When I devote the time and attention to writing that I would like to, others seem to sense it and veer clear of me
This change is in alignment with my belief that we must find our peace in our daily lives and not in retreats alone. Writing while sitting in this busy, multitasking world keeps me in touch with all the chaos and emotions that fuel interesting writing. So happy to be moving in this direction.
All good wishes for your book
Warmly,
Sangeeta
Oh, dear, I can sooo understand that! I’ve been feeling a real failure after these summer holidays, because none of my writing (or even professional work) went according to plan. But I like your spirit: it will get done, you will get there eventually! The path may just be a little more winding than you might have wished.