Facing My Fears Head On

I have this quirk where once I work through something. I’m done. I’ve moved on. Been there, done that, don’t need to deal with it again.

Oh, if only life worked that way.

You’d think by now, I’d have mastered facing fear. Especially fear of new beginnings, because at 45, I’ve had my fair share of new beginnings, some by choice, some not so much. And yet, here I am again at another new beginning and the fear stands right beside me.

I’ve been fortunate to be able to focus on my kids these last few years. The plan was to turn out my first romance novel in the space between volunteering at school, volunteering for the Cub Scouts, writing for the town paper (pro bono), managing the household, cooking more meals, and running the kids to karate, cub scouts, ski club, garden club etc.  Some how things didn’t work out the way I expected (hmmm, I wonder why???).  I’ve made some progress on my WIP. I have a ideas mapped out, I am about a 1/4 of the way through my “shitty first draft” and I’ve learned a TON. It wasn’t wasted time, but I wasn’t as productive as I’d hoped to be.

The time has come for me to go back to work. Prior to my four year stint as a SAHM, I worked for myself for thirteen years. It is probable that I’ll return to the ranks of self employed, but I’m keeping my options open. There are certain constraints and priorities that will impact the work I choose to pursue.  Some of them are practical (I still have to get the kids to karate etc.), some of them are personal, I been working long enough that I have a pretty good understanding the environments where I can thrive and best contribute.  Whatever I end up doing, it will have at least a writing component if not be completely writing focused.

Still, I need to dust off the old resume and put myself out there. The advantage of working for someone else is that you put yourself out there once and then you’ve got a moderate level of security. With freelancing, you put yourself out there again and again.  With every pitch comes the chance for rejection. After four years out of the practice of actively seeking clients, I’m feeling a little timid (anyone who knows me IRL, just snorted), but it’s true.

I have a lot of skills, I’m a good writer. I am highly organized and love organizing for other people. I’m knowledgeable about social media practices. I understand the marketing process. On the surface, I am a very confident person, but oy.

• What if I’m not as good as I think I am?
• What if I screw it up?
• What if no one wants to hire me?

These are irrational fears. I know it, but that’s the thing about fears, logically you know they are foolish, but the still hang out like ghosts you see out of the corner of your eye. So, I’m doing what I can to chase away the ghosts.

I bought these t-shirts a long time ago. Both have outlasted their usefulness as clothing (can you say grease stains?), but I still love the sayings. So much so that I turned them into artwork and hung them in my office (sorry about the glare). I made them as reminders, that I’ve been here before and I’ve conquered and thrived. I will do it again.

In the meantime, deep breath, big smile.

What do you fear and how do you combat it?

Lee Laughlin is a writer, wife, and mom, frequently all of those things at once. She blogs at Livefearlesslee.com. Her words have appeared in a broad range of publications from community newspapers to the Boston Globe.

Writing With Praise

If Living with Praise is hard, writing with praise is even harder. This is counter-intuitive to be sure – and a sure sign that we all need more praise in our lives generally, and in our writing lives in particular.

Writing with Praise is also something I do every Tuesday Night at Salon, the brain-child of author and book shaman Suzanne D. Kingsbury, the founder of Wild Words, and a creative force who fosters positive energy and great writing.

Salon is a place for writers to assemble in creativity, leaving our solitude and day jobs to write together and with abandon. Suzanne gives us a prompt, which we can follow – or not – and then we write for an hour. No matter whether I’m stuck in my novel or writing well, attending Salon is always a blast of creative energy that boosts me to new, unexpected twists of discovery. There’s a powerful synergy that develops just from ten people writing together in the same room.

After writing, we read our new work, and we listen to each other with kindness and awe. We say what we like about the work – and that’s all we say. This is the gift: to hear the strength of our words echoed back. So, when Suzanne sent out an invitation for an all day Salon-Style Retreat, combining writing prompts, praise and body work, I signed up.

In the spirit of full disclosure, it wasn’t really that easy. My monkey mind chattered away why I couldn’t/shouldn’t/wouldn’t spend a Sunday sixty miles from home writing with strangers while having energy-attuning body work to help overcome resistance. It took too much time, it was too expensive, and I was writing well on my own, thank you very much.

I’ve been writing long enough to recognize this kind of resistance as a sure sign that this was something I needed to do.

So it was no surprise that the day after signing up for the workshop, I saw a whole new way to tell the story I’ve been working on forever. Part of me wanted to resist starting over yet again, and another part of me knew that I had to. By the time I arrived at the lovely workshop venue, I was eager to write. I knew that in such a supportive atmosphere I could willingly take the necessary risks to start over.

As promised, the workshop allowed me to tap into the intuitive center of my brain – that mysterious place where fiction is born – and to shut down that part of my brain where resistance and criticism abide, allowing me to give voice to my story in a riff of surprising improvisation.

It may be true that we are programmed to pay more attention to criticism as a means of survival. But what if we want to go beyond mere survival? What if we want to soar? If my recent experience is any indication, negative self-talk hampers creativity, while writing with praise allows for braver attempts at more creative storytelling. Hallelujah!

photo: M. Shafer

Deborah Lee Luskin is the author of Into the Wilderness, an award-winning novel set in Vermont in 1964.

Grammar-ease: Lay versus Lie

I haven’t had a grammar post in a while, so here’s a new one!

A particularly challenging one for many people, the conundrum of lay versus lie. 

Lay is an active verb. A person picks up a book and lays it on a chair. A chicken lays an egg. (The person and chicken are active.)

Lie is a still verb. People lie on beds. Cats lie on people. Fleas lie on cats. (The people, cats, and fleas are still.)

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Lay: to place or set something.

	Simple	Progressive	Perfect	Perfect progressive (action continues for a while)
Present	I layYou layHe/she/it laysThey lay	I am layingYou are layingShe is layingThey are laying	I have laidYou have laidShe has laidThey have laid	I have been layingYou have been layingShe has been layingThey have been laying
Past	I laidYou laidShe laidThey laid	I was layingYou were layingShe was layingThey were laying	I had laidYou had laidShe had laidThey had laid	I had been layingYou had been layingShe had been layingThey had been laying
Future	I will layYou will layShe will layThey will lay	I will be layingYou will be layingShe will be layingThey will be laying	I will have laidYou will have laidShe will have laidThey will have laid	I will have been layingYou will have been layingShe will have been layingThey will have been laying

——————————————————————————————-

Lie: to recline or repose somewhere.

	Simple	Progressive	Perfect	Perfect progressive (action continues for a while)
Present	I lieYou lieHe/she/it liesThey lie	I am lyingYou are lyingShe is lyingThey are lying	I have lainYou have lainShe has lainThey have lain	I have been lyingYou have been lyingShe has been lyingThey have been lying
Past	I layYou layShe layThey lay	I was lyingYou were lyingShe was lyingThey were lying	I had lainYou had lainShe had lainThey had lain	I had been lyingYou had been lyingShe had been lyingThey had been lying
Future	I will lieYou will lieShe will lieThey will lie	I will be lyingYou will be lyingShe will be lyingThey will be lying	I will have lainYou will have lainShe will have lainThey will have lain	I will have been lyingYou will have been lyingShe will have been lyingThey will have been lying

Here are some great tips to help remember the differences, from Painless Grammar, by Rebecca Elliott, Ph.D.:

• Think of to lay the same way as to say and to pay. We say (today)  “I pay”, “I say,” (yesterday) “I paid”, “I said,” and “I have paid,” “I have said.” To lay works the same way: lay, laid, laid.
• Substitute the word place or put. If the sentence sounds right, you want lay; otherwise, you want lie. Is this okay?: You place the book on the table. Yes. Therefore, You lay the book on the table. How about this: You place in your bed at night. No. Therefore, You lie in your bed at night.
• My favorite: No one ever says that chickens lie eggs. Chickens are active and lay eggs, so visualize the action when you are writing about how you lay out a rug, or lay down your book.
• Lie is a quiet or still word. A fun ditty from the book: At night, I turn out my light and lie. (I’m going to lie down for a nap.) Whether it’s on a couch, beach blanket, or bed, if you are quietly reclining, you’re lying (not laying).

What do you think? Helpful?

If you have grammar topics you’d like to see covered, please leave a comment to let me know.

Lisa J. Jackson is an independent writer, editor, journalist, and chocolate lover. She loves working with words and helps businesses with theirs. She writes fiction as Lisa Haselton, has an award-winning blog for book reviews and author interviews, and is on the staff of The Writer’s Chatroom where she gets to network with writing professionals on a weekly basis. You can connect with her on LinkedIn, Biznik, Facebook, and Twitter. 

Saturday Edition – What We’re Writing and Reading

Welcome to this Saturday Edition of What We’re Writing and Reading.

We’re taking a little detour on the weekends now to share some of what we’re up to with our writing (when we’re not here) and what we’re into with our reading (around the web). We’ll also pull back the curtain a little to give you a behind-the-scenes look at what went into a piece.

We hope you enjoy this little diversion and encourage you to share your own posts and picks in the comments.

Happy writing! Happy reading! 

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Lisa J. Jackson

What I’m writing:

I wrote and published my ‘highly recommended read’ review of A Tine to Live, A Tine to Die (see What I’m reading).

I wrote and submitted a dining article to the monthly NH ToDo Magazine, for the August magazine.

I’m continuing work on a YA novel that is in its infancy stages. One word at a time!

What I’m reading:

I read A Tine to Live, A Tine to Die by Edith Maxwell. It’s a mystery cozy by a New England author I know, and it’s the first in a new series. It’s set in a fictional Massachusetts town near Gloucester and Newburyport and has a focus on organic gardening and CSAs.

I’ve started reading Andre Dubus III’s memoir Townie. And, wow, it’s powerful writing. Gritty and real, and local (NH and MA). Very hard to put down.

Jamie Wallace: Hello, fellow writers and readers! I hope you’ve had an enjoyable and productive week. Summer arrived ahead of schedule this week here in New England and we’re basking (or baking, as the case may be) in some heatwave-worthy temps. Thankfully this sultry blast of pre-season warmth (and humidity) will only last a few days, so we don’t have to suffer too long with fingers sticking to keyboards and so forth.

ANYway …

What I’m writing: I republished my recent newspaper column on my blog. This time, it’s about the joys of live music. I had the opportunity to attend an intimate orchestral performance and the experience inspired me to spin 700 words about how live music connects us in really unique and special ways.

I’ve also been working on a feature piece for my local paper which has been a fun experience, though I don’t know how anyone makes a living doing this. The time involved to collect resources, interview references, and put the thing together far outweighs the sad, little sum that most papers (local ones, anyway) can afford to pay their writers. Maybe one of my fellow bloggers here at Live to Write – Write to Live can fill me in on the realities of this kind of gig.

I didn’t manage to post over at my marketing blog this week (boo-hiss!) because I stayed up WAY too late working on the feature piece.

What I’m reading: Again, mostly just blogs, but there’s been some great stuff coming out of the blogosphere this week.  Oh – and if you’d like to get these in “real time,” follow me on Twitter: @suddenlyjamie

• What Is a Story? (And Why Should Anyone Read Yours?) by @joebunting
• Episode 10: The Snowflake Method of Novel Design …with Randy Ingermanson via @bradreedwrites [podcast]
• Book Marketing Tips For Fiction & Non-Fiction Authors by @thecreativepenn
• The Price of Freedom by @JenGresham
• 6 Reasons Google+ Beats Facebook for Author Platform Building by @JaneFriedman
• The Quest: One Writer’s Search for The Coffee Shop Office  by @LAlisonHeller via @WritetoDone
• And finally – this little gem from @doglifeprobs (aka Emily Everhart of Brains on Fire). THIS is what great writing is supposed to do: