My Dad. 7/23/1925 – 7/19/2018
Even if you don’t think of yourself as a writer and never plan to write for publication, chances are you will someday have to write an obituary for someone you’ve loved and lost.
Mom, circa 1940.
I know this, because last week I wrote an obit for my dad. Six years earlier, I wrote one for my mom.
While I included the usual details of where they each were born, what they did for their livings, and where and when they died, their lives were a great deal richer than a collection of biographical facts.
Collect the Facts
Since it’s entirely possibly that you’ll be a blubbery mess when the time comes, you’ll want to collect all the facts about your subject before you start writing. Professional obit writers keep files on famous people for when the time comes. You might want to start a file now on those for whom you expect to write an obituary. You also might want to create a document with such details about yourself and file it along with your Advance Care Plan, your Last Will and Testament, the key to your Safe Deposit Box, and a list of your passwords, to make it easier for your survivors to tie up lose ends.
Consider Your Audience
Next, just as in writing anything else, you must consider your audience. The obit you write for the local paper may emphasize someone’s community service, whereas the one you send to a professional organization’s publication will narrate the arc of the person’s career. Make it easy on yourself: write a master obit with a paragraph for each section. This makes it easy to cut and paste shorter versions to the different places where an obit is likely to appear.
Make it Meaningful
Then consider what made this person’s life worth living. For most of us, our obituary will appear in the local paper one day and line the litter box the next, but readers will always remember a story. Tell stories about this person’s one wild and precious life.
Links to Worksheets
Here’s a link to three examples, each for the same fictional person. I wrote these examples for a workshop I taught on obituary writing. The first is just the bare minimum: Who died, where, when and how (optional). The second is Standard Vanilla, with the usual details and not a whole lot more. The third gives you more detail and more flavor of the person who didn’t just die, but who lived – and how.
And here’s a link to a worksheet to help you gather the facts you’ll want to have on hand.
Having the Last Word
How do you want to be remembered? Try writing your own obituary – one draft if you died today and another if you live to be one hundred. Then figure out how to make the second one come true.
Blessings to you all, ~Deborah.
Family Photo, circa 1962
Family Photo, August 2005
Family Photo, June 2018
Live to Write - Write to Live 
I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the process of a writing an obit for the rest of us.
My condolences. I imagine wring an obit is one of the most difficult things to do. Thank you for reminding us life is short and we all need to consider how we would like our own obits to read.
Great suggestion. When my parents time came I am grateful that I was able to simply get up and from my heart bring the obit. When you know and they know where they are ‘going’; it makes all the difference. I do see however the value in crafting from a literary perspective This is great for archives or keeping of family etc. I hope and pray when my times comes someone who loves me will simply say even if they have expansive details etc. She knows where she is going.
I like this. Thanks. Just like a Vision Board: You must write one of these. I plan to start with the human in the mirror.
Sounds like a good plan!
Here’s a link to three examples, each for the same fictional person. I wrote these examples for a workshop I taught on obituary writing. The first is just the bare minimum: Who died, where, when and how (optional). The second is Standard Vanilla, with the usual details and not a whole lot more. The third gives you more detail and more flavor of the person who didn’t just die, but who lived – and how.
Great post!